DEPRESSED MOOD
Deeper
Dreams of Passion
Empty Room
Epitome of Truth
Freedom, Death
Nighttime
Insanity's Dream
I Sit Here Alone
The Key
Last Breath
Lost Hope
I Found Her that Morning
Of Love and Lies
Pale Skin
Parting
Past/Present/Future
Never Say this is a Final Day
A Rose for the Dead
Silver and Ice
Solitude
Suicide
Suicide II
Thank You
The Fire Within
I Want to Fly Away
Enclosed in Four Walls
Deepless Desire
Bellowing Hatred
What Will Never Be
Deeper
Searching for thoughts and feelings, I sink deeper.
Living within a lie of desperation.
I search for something, anything.
I want the numbness to leave me.
So that I can feel pain once more.
Brought up to stand strong and protective.
I just want to lay down and cry.
Wishing loneliness would leave my side
Death would even be a welcome companion.
Seeking lost memories and lost dreams.
I only dream when awake.
Once sleep claims me, I enter torpor.
A dreamless death, waiting to arise.
Back into my nightmare, back into myself.
A dark world seen through red eyes.
I look down at my body and see old friends.
Scars that brought pleasure and memory.
Scars now faded like my conscience.
I look around, but see nothing.
Only briefly do I see another worth the time to acknowledge.
This is not because I think I'm better or worse.
But because I feel indifferent.
I feel nothing to relate to.
But those few that hold my attention, I love.
I feel a kinship with them all.
They bring me back- just a little.
From the subconscious existence I dwell in.
I can just sit there and exist.
Content with just being a part of their vivacity.
But once alone, I sink deeper.
Dreams of Passion...Dreams of pain...
In your arms I became...
What I knew I needed to be...
With your touch...
I felt secure...
Which I've searched for in vain...
As we passed in and out of each others lives...
We always seemed to come back...
To where we began...
Is it fate...
Time will tell...
Till then I'm lost in hell...
Empty RoomI
she enters the room like a ghost
silent and empty
frightened and alone
she calls his name
echoing inside the empty hall.
'look at me' she cries
and he does but sees through her
tears in his eyes.
II
the tear beats onto the cold tile floor.
inside it she sees his feelings
broken,
shattered like glass
she picks the pieces up
'i can make him feel it again'
she runs after him
III
showing the pieces
he takes the shards
cutting her
slicing him
scars...blood...tears
is this how we always end?
only ghosts in an empty room.
Epitome of Truth...
The epitome of truth...
To you I am honest...
With this honesty is trust...
Why with you I do not know...
Is honesty trust...
Or is it more...
I am free with you...
In thought and in verse...
I want to say I love you...
But I do not know what love is...
With you....
I am safe and secure...
In your arms...
and in your heart...
You are my friend...
Which I cherish...
And need...
Together we are...
The epitome of truth...
For we are who we are...
With no holds bared...
Freedom, Death
I am falling
Falling deeper
The flowing pain!
Darkness
End of life
End of pain
Freedom
Death
I am coming
Catch me
Take me
Let me in
Where am I?
What am I?
This is the end
The beginning
I must be free
I shall be free
Death is freedom
Freedom is dark
End of life
End of pain
I must die
I must be free.............
NighttimeNighttime...
The cruelest part of the day.
Because when I slips into her dreams,
I can see her-
For a moment.
Then she's gone.
Somehow...
She always gets away.
She's never there for more than a moment...
Almost, it seems, on purpose.
I cry...
Wishing she would come back...
Wanting her so...
Wishing she would come to me
And hold me close
Whisper to me
All the words that i need to hear
And she needs to say
Wanting me...
Desperately...
But she's gone now.
No use crying...
After all, there's another dream...
Tonight...
Insanity's Dream
Can you hear me
Dancing in the night
Can you see me
Running away from the light
I can hear you
I can feel you --
Searching through the night.
You can't find me
No, not tonight.
Can you hear me
Can you see me
I'm lost within
my own mind
Can you feel me,
Shivering at my own demise.
I scream aloud,
Pounding at the wall.
I scream and cry
As I fall
and fall
and fall --
-- Deep within my own
little brain.
My lost little world
ruled by me.
Here I rule, forever,
like a king.
But sometimes my Kingdom
is gone, vanished from me.
None will deny the power I hold,
None will deny the power that I don't
even know, the power of me. --
Or she....
She visits sometimes because
I think she loves me.
She is smart and beautiful.
None is like she.
She doesn't stay long.
She goes back to the sea
Or vanishes with my kingdom
My kingdom of me.
I go and search for she
But nowhere to be found,
Where is she?
I stand on the shore.
Staring at the sea.
Thinking of she.
In my kingdom of me.
I never can find she,
But she comes eventually.
She tells stories and dances,
She even sings for me.
She sings til I sleep
and fall in a dream,
or it may seem --
-- Insanity's Dream.
I Sit Here AloneI sit here alone, lost, just wanting to shout,
Grabbing onto life, trying to work out what it's all about.
I cry in vain, wishing and hoping of a different reality,
But I sit here alone, dreaming of what will never be.
I sit here alone, in this large prison that encloses me,
Trying to fight my way out, trying to break free.
My heart dying piece by piece as loneliness sets in,
I lie awake at night thinking, where my life has been.
I sit here alone, trapped and unprepared for what lies ahead,
My life slipping away as I struggle to clear the thoughts in my head.
I feel existence fading away, the pain everlasting, wanting only to die
With a look of despair I crawl into my bed, curl up and cry.
The KeyHer heart was filled with sorrow
She couldn't unleash the pain
The key to unlock her pain was hidden
Her heart knew where it was,
But she didn't have the courage to find it.
She feels like shes going insane.
Her heart is screaming and crying
But her lips are smiling
She cuts herself hoping the pain will escape
She was right
She can't feel the pain anymore
She is in heaven
She found the key.
Last BreathLoneliness surrounding
No one to call to
Screaming breathless
But no one can hear you
Realization dawns
Thoughts so clear and bright
Blinding purpose
Crashing through the night
Single goal in mind
Slash it with the sharp blade
Seek the dark passage
Find the place where you once laid
Bound now
One single path lay strait
Alone more than ever
You took the poisoned water
Minds not working right
You try to deny what you have done
But the light is fading fast
You have extinguished your own sun
Black fear finds you
No longer can you hide
You have only your self to blame
And all the tears you've cried
You realize the truth too late
After your last exit has passed you by
You have taken your last breath
When you realize you don't want to die........
Lost HopeHow will I know if you will ever ever find me?
And will you unlock my heart with your key?
I'm lost without you and no reason to survive
Do you have enough love to keep me alive?
Where are you now and how long will you take?
I wonder if you really exist or are you just a mistake
My heart so sincere but it needs you to make it glow
The loneliness inside runs deeper as I long to know
I cry out for you as my life dies slowly with the pain
Wishing for you everynight but afraid it's all in vain
The heartache grows stronger every night without you
My hope dying as all I do is wish for you to come true
I Found Her that Morning...The noose is hanging tightly around her neck.
She is dead.
Her eyes are wide open,
staring into eternity.
She has been dead for hours now.
Her skin is white as newly fallen snow.
And she is cold.
Not cold as on a winters day,
or cold as in a freezer.
But cold as death itself.
When I touch her hand,
I can feel a sting of ice through my body.
And I smile...
The flesh between her neck and the rope is bloody and torn.
She has been struggling.
What poetic irony.
She had been longing for death all her life.
And now, that she final faced it,
she wished to live more than ever.
We all wish for what we haven't got.
And now she is gone.
I take down her body, and lay her on the floor.
She is so beautiful.
I wish I could meet her once again.
I look at the noose.
And I smile...
Of Love and LiesI see only one thing in this fucking hole
Only one thing in my empty soul
Between the cold black fire
And the razors held by a wire
I see your eyes dancing in ecstasy
And your red lips that would caress me
I would give you everything, all I see
If you would just take me in, take all of me
But as you fade back in my mind
You leave your sickening erotic trail behind
reminding me that it is all just a god damned dream
No matter how real you may seem................
Pale SkinShe looked upon his pale skin
And she felt a fire within her
She liked the clothes she saw him in
And he appeared as perfection to her.
She chased him, asking for his love.
He always said he had none.
She knew different, he had love.
She had felt it in him after the setting of the sun.
She asked a last time for his love
He said he'll give it to her
She felt the fire growing, stoked with love
And her happiness grew as he leaned towards her.
Now she looks upon his pale flesh
No longer feeling the fire within
He looks upon her now pale flesh
And knew there was no love within.
Parting
Time has now come to say goodbye
I watch a single tear slide down from your eye
I try not to cry, I must leave you behind
I can't keep control, I feel I will die, my tears blind
My heart is torn with emptiness
Left alone with pained loneliness
We were doomed right from the start
Driven by forces to be torn apart
Past/Present/FutureSuffering slowly in my corrupted mind
I lay awake in misery
The past I cannot leave behind
I want to scream for help
But I cannot let them know of my pain
I cry and give out a welp
A year has gone past
The pain is still the same
I ask, "how long will THIS last?"
I lay down, dry my tears
This is the ritual of my daily night
I shall live out for the rest of my years
Never Say this is the Final DayNever say this is the final day
There must be a better way
The final day cannot be so close.
Today I have no friends,
No this is not true:
There are the tablets,
Those pretty sweets in their elegant bottles,
And the razor all so shiny razor blades.
I hear the calling,
Like the sirens of ancient stories,
The beauty to another way.
But there is something holding me back
Another voice, stern and horrid saying:
'Tomorrow will be better, Tomorrow will be easier.'
But I have heard this voice before
, As it says the same message,
And peddles the same lies.
It is merely the oasis in the desert
That the man without water sees,
But the rest of the world laughs,
For as he struggles with his last strength,
They know it is a mirage,
But not will call out to him,
To help him, to save him.
Tomorrow will not be better,
I have heard the lies too often,
And though ironic I have learnt from them.
Its time to change all things,
I have a point to prove,
To change the path I tread,
Or walk no more....
A Rose For The DeadThe rain begins to fall now,
Sweet, clear drops.
I'm getting wet, sat here now,
Though I care not.
And the crimson ink is running,
Seeping,
Bleeding.
Leaving dark, raised welts upon the pale, white page,
Like deep, bloody scratches, upon a lovers back.
The rain is falling heavy now,
Burning into me.
Into my stinging eyes now,
Though still, clear I see.
The headstones, old as she, crying,
Weeping,
Bleeding.
Stained by many rains, now gone...
Gone...
Gone like those that had once mourned...
When it had seemed like a good idea...
At the time...
When flowers and gifts were left...
And words were spoken...
Whispered lies.
The rain is slowing, stopping now.
That clear, crisp smell.
I sit and smile now,
Laughing to myself.
The patterned streaks of blood red ink, drying,
Crying,
Bleeding.
Tears now lost,
Tears long dry.
All Faith lost.
In christian lies.
A faith I've never known,
The broken promise of flowers,
Left dying on the stone.
Upon this strangers grave,
I place a blood red rose.
And speak to them this poem,
This patterned web of prose.
I Thank you for your company,
Amongst this silent place.
Were family and friends once came,
No more they show their face.
Silver And IceYour hands slip from mine
I beg you to stay
You tell me it's dawn
But it's not light yet!
I cry tears of pain
I need you with me
But you fade away
Leave me alone here
By myself
I remember...
The first time we met, I was afraid
The second time, I was lonely and sad
You touched my shoulders, and I jumped,
Startled at the cold
You came to me at night
I let you in
We talked about us
I cried for your pain
You kissed me
Kiss of silver and ice...
I'm alone now
I'm afraid of the dark
No! no, I'm not
I'm afraid of the light
I hide in the shadows
Cringing away from the light
Finally, night comes
The dark is here again
And I'm not afraid anymore
Because I know
You're there
Waiting
With a kiss for me
Kiss of silver and ice
My lifeblood is for you
And you drink of it
Feeding your life on mine
Because I love you, my darling
My own deathless
Vampire lover
With your sweet kiss
Kiss of silver and ice.....
SolitudeDark as solitude
I sit with wondering thoughts of you
That drives me forth to walk alone
upon this hollow path of stone
While my teeth chatter in my head
with a cold and sick desire to be dead
SuicideThe night comes,
blanketing the sky.
Leaving my 'friends,'
saying a final good-bye.
Sick of this world.
Sick of my life.
The light of the moon
reflecting off the knife.
The blade sinks in,
piercing the skin.
Killing myself,
the ultimate sin.
The blood oozing out,
Dripping off my hands.
The time floating by,
like an hourglass' sands
The life flowing out,
just like a flood.
The life leaving me,
with every drop of blood.
I drop to my knees,
can't stand anymore.
And finally, I collaspe,
lying dead on the floor...........
Suicide IIin the depth of my mind
just when i started to cry
the pain was to hard to hide
it was the fastest way
i really felt no pain now,
i lie and wait to die
it's cold, and getting dark
the sun is still out
though now i'm in a box 6 ft under
covered with dirt and rocks
i could hear everyone weep and cry
WAIT i'm still alive................
Thank youYou are the one who made me who I am
Aren't you so proud of what I have become?
I just wish
I could thank you.
Too bad you can't
Share my pain
That's the only way
You'll see what I've became.
Thank you for stealing
what I had left
Thank you for driving
me to my death.
The Fire WithinTogether here
In the light
My hand in yours
I've been waiting for your help
Waiting for your touch
Waiting for a friend
Like you
To help me
To keep me from being afraid
And now you've found me
You hold my hand in the light
So I don't need to be afraid
We stand together in the darkness
And you needn't fear anything
Cause I'm with you
And you're with me
We've got everything we need
In each other
But I sense a love
That goes beyond friendship
I sense a passion
That shouldn't be there
Because you have her
And I've got him
And we shouldn't want more
Than friends
I have a fire that burns inside
And I can't put it out
I have a passion that consumes my soul
And I won't let it go
Because without you
There's only half of me
And without me
You aren't truly free
But I'll never admit that I need you
I'll just have to conceal
Everything that I feel
And you'll have to deny
All we have that feels right
And I'll try to hide
The flames
And the passion
And everything
That burns
In the fire deep within...
I Want to Fly AwayI want to fly away
Getting lost amongst the clouds
And never find my way home
I want to wander
Searching for myself
Hiding in the shadows
I sleep in the day
And wake in the night
I walk for miles
No reflection in the mirror
I forget my existence
I wonder is this heaven or hell
Am I dead
Is this life?
Enclosed in Four WallsEnclosed in four walls
Darkness filling my thoughts
Opening my mind to my inner self
Swallowed by my own memory
My only friend
A tear rolls down my cheek
As I swim through my veins
Lost in the flow
Hoping to be forgotten
My eyes closed to reality
Living only in my imagination
Where my dreams come true
Feeding on my thoughts
Surviving in the darkness
I won't be afraid
As long as your there
Telling me I'm not alone.
Deepless DesireDeepless Desire
lost in forsaken madness
Destiny is down the road
Hate around the corner
Blood is running through the sewers
My tears are flowing down the crumbling streets.
A piercing scream deafens the silence
A blanket of darkness covers everything
and once again I'm nothing.
Bellowing HatredBellowing hatred hidden behind the words
Hollow silence, Deafening thoughts
Expectations entwined in the rope
of my destiny's noose
Silent screams echoing in the walls of my mind.
Only a lonesome tear released the pain.
What Will Never BeI cry out for you, wanting you,
and you're in anothers arms.
I can't have you, but I fell for you,
and your seductive charms.
Your beauty has captured me,
only my heart cries,
I know I may never have you,
my love never dies.
I wander around engulfed in loneliness,
and then dream of you.
My heart races everytime you're near me,
I'm not sure what to do.
when I'm afraid I think of you,
you chase away all my fears.
wanting you near, you're out of my reach,
I break down in tears.
Oh please hear my cries,
without you I cannot exist.
Everytime you leave part of my heart dies,
but I still struggle and persist.
If only you could see the pain,
hidden behind my face.
Living without you,
I want to vanish without a trace,
Being here alone,
oh please understand how I feel.
I want to tell you so much,
but nothing I do feels real.
I long to touch you,
have you by my side, to be with me,
my life is so uncomplete,
crying for what will never be.
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